Please Call Me

Hello Mr Sanghvi,

I read your column on the menace of telemarketing calls in the HT on 4 November 2007. I can understand your plight as I have been at the receiving end of such disturbance more often than not. However, I have devised a way to handle them. And, it works well enough (at times, it is entertaining too). But, let me make it clear that it may not work for everyone. First, it may appear cheap to some. But, who cares? Everything is fair in war and war. And, this is no less than a war. Second, one will be required to spend (read waste) 30-40 seconds a day and 2-3 such days a week answering these calls (assuming that there is only one such call a day). Therefore, people who dont think they can afford that kind of luxury must stay away.

Coming back to the method, let me tell you that I have successfully put an end to telemarketing calls coming on behalf of UTI Bank, SBI, Deutsche Bank and scores of others. The latest on the floor is Barclay's. And, I am sure the lady (the caller) is not going to last for more that a couple of days (read calls).

A typical conversation is something like this:

Caller: Hello Sir

I: Hello

Caller: I am ABC calling on behalf of XYZ. I would like you to know that our bank has shorlisted your name for a credit card (God knows what they mean by that; it sounds as if they are doing us a favour). It is going to be a lifetime free card.....bla bla bla.....

I: Sounds good to me. Can you call me on Saturday so that we can discuss everything in detail?

Caller: Sure Sir

I: Thanks

This does not take more than half a minute. And, I tell you I have won the first round.:)

Come Saturday (I have a five-day week at office), and I am prepared for the second round (again not more than half a minute).

Caller: Hello Sir

I: Hello

Caller: I am ABC calling on behalf of XYZ. Do you remember we had a conversation regarding...... and you had asked me to call you on Saturday?

I: Ya, I do. But, can you please call me later as I am busy with something.

Caller: Sure Sir :(

Yesssss, I have done it again. I won the second round as well (even at the cost of some seconds of my Saturday).

The next time I receive a call from the person.....

Caller: Hello Sir
I: Hello

Caller (after the introduction): So, Sir, would you be interested in our product/service?

I: Why not?

Caller (eyes lit up): Then, we would require some documents for this purpose (and the list goes on...). When can I send someone to collect them?

I: Please make it this saturday. Is that fine with you?

Caller: Sure Sir

I make sure that the person who comes to collect the documents takes at least 4-5 rounds of my place (over a month). I have not met a person who has lasted more than 4 rounds.

After this, I am sure they put my name on the "Do Not Call Registry" (an internal one, of course).

The purpose of such behaviour is to make it clear that if they dont realise the importance of our time and privacy, we dont give a damn for theirs.

All said and done, the method may not work for everyone. But, I have learnt to pay those unsolicited callers back in the same coin and enjoy the interaction like anything.

Sounds cheap?

Who cares?

Everyting is fare in war and war.:)

Regards,

Laxmiprasad